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My wife and I are best friends - we latched onto each other in our early 20s and stayed together. In the early days, I believed she was the love of my life. We laughed, smiled and had adventures together.
We got married, made a home together, invited our friends over for dinner parties, hung out and just generally had good times.
Ideal, right? Well, yes and no. It's been an "everything but sex" arrangement pretty much from the start. I am sexually adventurous, my wife isn't. The problem is I didn't discover this until our wedding night. I believed that marrying her was a good idea- being with the love of your life forever sounds good, right? I believed this so much that even though it wasn't my first time, it was hers, so I agreed to wait until our wedding night before anything happened.
This may sound romantic, but it was a few weeks after our wedding night when I realized how intimately incompatible my wife and I were. I loved her so much but we didn't seem to click in that way.
Whenever I hinted at trying new things and spice things up our intimate life a little, she threw an appalled look over me, it was like “hey you gross monster, what on earth are you doing?!” or “there will be no way I will ever do this, freak!”, and that made me lose all my interest. Sometimes I still tried to do what I wanted no matter how hard she stopped me, thought that she would definitely love it, but it would always end with her in a mood and me feeling even more dejected. After that, every time I tried touching her, she always said no and pushed me away. Night after night of rejection had taken its toll on me and I felt like a repulsive monster.
On the surface we acted like a normal couple, we held hands in the street, went out for meals with our families and said sweet things to each other. On the outside, everything looked great but on the inside I was miserable.
It got to the point where there was barely any intimacy between us at all. I thought this was what she wanted, as she clearly wasn't sexually compatible with me, she was vanilla and I was spice! Then one time I walked into our bedroom to find her in tears. I asked her what was wrong and she sobbed out that I didn't make her feel sexually desired anymore. This made me mad, as she was the one who'd made it clear she wasn't sexually attracted to me
I continued with my mundane, sexless marriage and grew more miserable by the day.
I hated being in the house, so I spent as much time as I could away from my wife.
The gym became my second home, I found it a great way to release some built-up frustration. I'm a good looking guy so pretty girls have always noticed me. I thought about them, of course, but I never cheated on my wife.
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